Tuesday, December 27, 2016

The Girl with Flowers in Her Hair

To my daughter from a woman you’ll never know. By the time you’re old enough to read this I’ll be someone else. You change me each day mostly for the better, but you’ve also made me a bit more anxious and less adventurous. Okay, a lot more anxious. Sometimes I think back to the girl your dad met so many years ago. I was free spirited and flighty. I used to draw. Do you know that? I have no idea where my sketch pad is. All I remember is the last thing I drew was a girl with flowers in her hair. Me. Then I was just a girl with flowers in my hair and your dad was just a boy in love with that girl. 

Once upon a time I danced in the rain to the music in my head. I took your dad to that field over 5 years ago so that he could see the person I was. Even 5 years ago I was already losing her. We drove by it the other day with you in tow. We didn’t even stop just waved at the girl I once was. It’s weird, because we’re always changing as people so why is it so hard for me to say goodbye to someone I haven’t been in awhile? Perhaps, it’s because the last vestiges of that girl are still in my soul. I feel them when we dance in the kitchen to our Taylor Swift jams. I feel them when we sit outside in pure silence the sun in our eyes. I feel like I want her here as your mom, but then who will protect you? 

We went to ACL in October. The experience couldn’t be more of a departure from my first. The last time I stood at ACL you were just a dream. I danced in a field of crushed dandelions, listening to music that fed my soul, that made me full. With my eyes closed, arms up, swaying to the beat flowing through each nerve. Before I was your mom, I was just that girl with flowers in my hair. 

Why am I writing this? So that you’ll never forget to dance free. So that you’ll love music. So that you’ll go to a field, any field, and dance music or no music with your hands up, hair down, and just let the moment flood your body. 

I’ll also writing it to myself. Writing it so that I never forget to bring whimsy and adventure to your life. To take you to explore the world even if the world is right outside our door. 

On our way to ACL 2014

ACL 2016

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