Could We Squash the Mom Judgement Already?

Not a breastfed baby.

Last year, an Austin mom tore apart my Fed Is Best blog. It’s a topic sure to rile folks up, however, a truck driving into my gut is what I got in the comments.

I believe decisions should be about what works best for you and your family. In between me, my husband, and our daughter, we’ve got a lot of values, personalities, and perspectives to sift through when finding the best route.

I don’t expect each individual to agree, but I do expect respect for our family’s journey. 

This mindset is how I approached my blog about our breastfeeding journey, which quickly became an exclusively pumping journey. Her comments included that not breastfeeding was akin to feeding your child Oreos, dangerous, the bare minimum right above abuse and neglect. The commenter implored mothers to do more than keep their children alive, to help them thrive. With breastfeeding being the only way to achieve such status. In a final stab, the commenter said that she wouldn’t get all emotional like me if she couldn’t breastfeed.

Let Her Try

A few weeks ago, someone stole a learning moment from Henley. I watched the look on her face and realized this may be the first but it won’t be the last. In a restaurant bathroom, she tried to move a stool under the sink so she could wash her hands. It was all a little clumsy but I was right there and her gears were turning. A woman stepped in. She moved the stool, held Henley, turned on the water, got her a paper towel. All things Henley is capable of doing herself. 

At the end, I asked to Henley, “Do you want to say thank you?”. She did not. (Yes, I believe in manners and teaching gratitude BUT I don’t want her to say things she doesn’t feel.) 

Back at our table I told Quinn the story. While the woman wasn’t helpful, my assumption was she was trying to be. On our way out the door, we walked past the woman and her friends. She loudly remarked, “There’s the little girl I had to help because her mom wouldn’t.” (Inner monologue: “Oh hell, no”.) 

I don’t want to teach that lesson….

I’m a mother to a 21-month old little girl, Hen. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to fully raise a child. I’m just getting started. Right now I’m trying to teach Hen how to count to 5. So far, we’ve got one to three.

In addition to four and five, there are many lessons left. Many of them I can’t wait to start. For example, the first time she has a book report! I can’t wait to read the book along with her, just like my mom did. Or the first time we bake a cake together and it’s a gooey disastrous mess. But, there are other lessons I’m not so excited to discuss. Like, the first time a friend hurts her feelings, the day I have to explain that she cannot trust everyone, when we talk about infatuation vs love. I’m not looking forward to her first heartbreak or the moment I’m standing on the sideline in fear she’s making a mistake, but trying to decide if it’s a mistake she should make. Ugh. Even just thinking through all the scenarios makes me anxious.

Happy Father's Day! A love note to my husband.

My husband and I have been something special from the minute we saw each other. Through dating we also became best friends. And in August 2015, he took on a 3rd role as my co-pilot in the wonderfully crazy ride that is parenting.

Of all of these roles, he doesn’t get enough cred for his role as “Daddy”. So on his second Father’s Day, here’s a little ode to the guy that’s number one in my heart and Henley’s.

Quinn,

There’s possibly no sweeter sound that Henley saying “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy” each night when she wants you to come visit her in bed. Except maybe when you walk into the room and she bursts into a fit of giggles. Her love for you is grand and vast and big.

Please don't label my child.

Being kind is hard. It takes patience, empathy, consideration, warmth, open-mindedness, curiosity, and courage. Each day I work to be kind and to raise a kind child. One thing I’ve learned is that I can have a kind heart and still not be kind in each moment because I’m not perfect.

My daughter is the same way. She has a kind heart. Each morning she wakes up with the priority to take care of our three rescues. She won't eat until they have. She’s giving. At her first Easter egg hunt, she filled her basket with eggs and then went to each of the kids still learning to walk and put eggs in their basket. We left with zero eggs. In spite of that heart, she has moments that are perceived to be unkind. And this is when the world knocks her down. This is when the world holds her to a standard that none of us could meet. This is when the world labels her as “spoiled”, “selfish”, “manipulative”.

When You Don't Feel Good at Anything...

One of the most humbling experiences since being a mom is realizing I’m not perfect. Before having a child, an evening after work meant a long walk with my husband and our two fur babies typically with a stop at our local pub, dinner at home watching our favorite show, hitting up the gym, and ending with little work to get me ahead for the next day. 

Now, my evenings consist of mass chaos as I try to get a toddler + all of our stuff in the door, while also wading through 3 fur babies, getting everyone food and water, ushering fur babies to the backyard, and that’s only in the first 5 minutes. After dinner, bath, and storytime, it’s a miracle if I don’t fall asleep helping my daughter to sleep. The number of times I’ve woken up at 11:00 p.m. next to her is more than not. Stumbling to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth is pretty much all I can do before falling back asleep because unlike pre-baby days I know I’ll be awake at 5:00 a.m. to start the whole shebang over again. (The totally magical, wonderfully life-changing shebang.) 

Surviving Maternity Leave.

Even though it’s been over a year, maternity leave has been on my mind lately. In addition to prepping new moms left and right at work, I recently revisited my journal from that time for a future blog. That journal captured all the emotions of my maternity leave and inspired me to share these phrases that got me through it!

Walks! Sunshine! Air!

I’m neither an outdoorsy person nor an extrovert and even I was getting cabin fever at home on leave. Daily walks became my chance to join the world and was a great way to soothe Henley. While we didn’t see many folks, being outside helped me start to get comfortable with my post-baby body and even helped me shed some of those pounds. Vitamin D for the win. 

Babies + Fur Babies

I’m a dog mommy to Levi and Dylan. My fur babies have outfits, go out with us, snuggle on the couch, sleep in our bed, and so on. I’ve even paid hundreds of dollars over the years to fly home from trips early, because I miss them. I cried in Paris, in Paris!, because I saw a Yorkie that looked like Levi. When I was pregnant there were a lot of emotions around how our pups would adapt to our daughter. To quote Kristen Bell,

"I just don't know how I'm going to like her as much as I like the dogs,'"

..."Because I f-king love my dogs; they are my children."

The Glorification of Breastfeeding

Snuggling

This is not a pro breastfeeding or anti breastfeeding post. It's simply a pro feeding your child post.